Who Really Benefits When We Give?

Doesn’t that sound like a silly question? Obviously the recipient gains!

Recent research says something different. In 2009 a Harvard Business School study showed that happier people give more, and that giving increases happiness – so it’s a virtuous circle. And it’s not just people; some primates demonstrate “pro-social behaviours”, in other words they do things that don’t benefit them, might even disadvantage them, for no other reason than that they feel good doing those things.

So gifting is the gift that gives – we both benefit. And this turns the world upside down when it comes to our understanding of major events. Perhaps the reason that so many people love Christmas or Diwali is that everybody gets gifts. Birthdays, on the other hand, have the pressure of receiving (being polite about gifts received, being the centre of attention) without the pleasure of giving. 

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The value of gifting

And there’s another value to giving, or gifting. We develop skills and empathy. By putting ourselves in the other person’s place, we get to see the world through their eyes which helps us understand what they would value as a gift. We discover the capacity to create happiness; we can orchestrate and stage-manage the giving process to maximise the pleasure given – which maximises the pleasure we receive. If we’re fortunate, we develop unconditionality, that amazing capacity to give without expectation of receiving (although as we’ve said, new research shows that we are receiving a lot, intangibly). 

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Finally, we develop discrimination – we understand that we might give our child an expensive toy or musical instrument and receive in return a blobby, muddy fridge painting, and we’re happy with that. In fact, we tend to be proud and emotionally overwhelmed when what we receive is heartfelt rather than high cost. 

This leads to a mature understanding of the nature of gifting – that a shared experience could be as valuable, or more valuable, than a high ticket item, and that the empathy and motivation that we bring to giving help us ‘give better’ and also help us to ‘get better’ because the happiness that good giving engenders creates happiness in us, which motivates us to give more, and so on.

What makes a great gift?

Giving is a mutual experience – when we give we receive. Allied to our current desires to connect and engage, driven by the way Coronavirus has limited our opportunities to share, we’re all striving to find moments of happiness. Shared memories, mutual experiences and active participation in giving are all invaluable – they create the virtuous circle that fuels happiness in both giver and receiver. So for many of us, the urge to gift is rooted in finding new ways to get close to those we love, and new ways to find new people to get close to. Growing our own life is a gift in itself, and sharing that gift is a way of helping others towards happiness.

What makes you happy?

Such a big question. But the answer can be simple. For most of us, it’s things we look back on with pleasure and things we’re looking forward to with excitement. Satopia Travel Hosted Experiences are an example of this priceless process. Participating in unrepeatable and shared moments with loved ones, anticipating unmatched experiences, stimulating every one of the senses in company with  people we love … these are hallmark components of a gift that gives.

For a chance to travel together with Satopia Hosts around the world, please visit our Hosted Experiences webpage here.